


Prank War

by cypherd



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Prank Wars, gender neutral m/c, implications about the nature of Lucifer and Diavolo's relationship, petty petty pranks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:49:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23118751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cypherd/pseuds/cypherd
Summary: M/C, noticing that Mammon's treatment is quite a bit harsher than is warranted, decides to take matters into their own hands by doling out a few pranks.
Relationships: nothing explicitly stated for now
Comments: 27
Kudos: 187





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I know that 99.9% of these are things actively participated in by me when I was in residence...and/or stuff my friends did. This first one definitely was.

The human could accept that there was some strong contention as to why they, of all people had been selected for an exchange program in the Devildom. Their counterpart for example was a notably powerful sorcerer and had previous dealings and a history with quite a few of the Demons in question. The human however was none of or even close to being those things.

Nor were they a great noted scholar of theology or anthropology. 

They certainly weren’t strong or very spiritual.

Not even their family had been religious. 

However, as they watched yet another pissing match break out between the brothers, this new train of thought seemed to melt into their previous one in a way that hadn’t been there before.

Oh sure, it had seemed harmless enough at first. Not worth noticing. Especially with the performances Mammon gave whenever he was riled. He always reacted.

And then, the human had started noticing that the punishments were…rather severe. Not simple retribution for inter-house, inter-sibling prank wars.

That was how, then, the human came to the conclusion that they did have one very important life experience to bring to the table here. One whole life-time-until-now of school residential life. 

It was time for a little not-so-divine justice and retaliation around this place.

There were only one rules. Even if it was on behalf of the Avatar of Greed, he would never be directly involved….


	2. Round 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lucifer's bedroom is given a...change of scenery, but not to worry, no one's going to leave him completely high-and-dry....

By the third time the creaking sound of something large and heavy being dragged down the nearby hall broke through the haze of suspended disbelief that went along with being absorbed in a good book, Satan had had just about enough.

Setting the (first edition, inscribed) copy aside, he crossed the room and flung open the door, thoroughly prepared to give the noise polluting offender a good damn piece of his mind.

“What is going–” and all at once the angry rant died on his lips as he looked at the scene currently playing out in the hallway. A number of doors down the way were also opening; their inhabitants summoned by the same cacophony. While Asmodeaus was apparently trying to work out whether or not he was dreaming or maybe hung over, the Avatar of Wrath managed to catch Leviathan’s eye who seemed ultimately as gobsmacked as he was, the oddity overriding his natural inclination to ignore whatever the ‘normies’ were up to.

Normal certainly wasn’t the word that applied in any remote way here, by Levi’s definition or any other besides.

Now, being a logical sort, Satan recognized that stating that ‘weird’ stuff was happening in a dorm was a bit of a Catch-22. Students with a variety of different interests and specializations being forced to cohabitate could lead to all manner of unusual issues, never mind throwing the nature of the Devildom or humans being there for purposes other than the flagellation of their mortal souls into the mixture.

Then again, there was also this. Presently happening…and above other things, Satan liked a mystery.

No amount of logic could suss out a good hypothesis as to why Beezelbub was all but harnessed to what was almost certainly Lucifer’s king-size bed; mattress, bedsheets, frame and all, dragging it like a yolked animal through the halls of the House of Lamentation. To add to the mystery, the human was helping him out (as much as a human could assist Beel’s strength), but they weren’t phoning it in either with sincere effort evident on their face as they pushed the bed from behind.

Satan’s brain finally caught up with the rest of him and he finally asked the obvious question. “Why exactly are you moving Lucifer’s bed?”

“Pact.” Was Beel’s answer, tight with strain.

“But Beelzebub…has a pact with–.”

“…And I’m helping."

“You are the one Beelzebub has a pact with.” Satan ground out, mostly to stem the little ebb of anger that had started to rise up in him.

“Well, countless reasons could apply here but I’m simply assisting with a little change of scenery I felt well deserved.”

Satan raised an eyebrow. “And where is the change of scenery taking place to? Ah. Let me guess. Mammon’s room?”

“Oh, Mammon has nothing to do with this. Actually I—-t happens to be a relocation to the bathroom.”

Now invested in this development, Satan squeezed himself past Beel, the bed and the human and made his way down the hall to the main public bathroom. Sure enough, the vast majority of Lucifer’s furniture was packed in wherever there was a corner to do so: against the block of shower stalls, a few chairs arranged in a circle around the hand-wash station. A book case (amusingly enough) propped up against the toilet cubicles.

“Oooh. This is going to be tricky. Really I should have done my measurements. Hey…maybe we can make it into a Murphy bed. Put it up against the back wall there Beel and we can go get some lunch.” the Human was tapping at their chin, observing the back wall as though this was not completely insane and potentially a great way to dramatically decrease their lifespan.

Beel nodded agreeably to that notion and as Satan jumped out of the way of his younger brothers’ single minded determination to get the task done and over with, he took another look at the set up.

“This is all of Lucifer’s possessions.” he declared, the beginnings of a smirk finding their way onto his features.

“Oh NO! Not ALL! We left him stuff.”

“What kind of…stuff?” The instant the words left Satan’s mouth he realized he had just asked a question that he very much did not want the answer to.

“Box ‘a tissues.” Beel grunted around the effort of heaving the bed up against the wall.

Amused though he was, Satan winced as there was something of a smack of cloth hitting shower-damp tile. “Oh. That’ll go over well.’

“Not JUST a box of tissues. We also left him some hand lotion and a picture of Diavolo.”

Satan suppressed a laugh, a feat made harder by the fact that even Beel seemed to be trying to hide a snigger.

“What brought this on?” His next guess was actually going to be Belphagor, but the human waved him away.

“Once again, countless petty reasons could have applied, but I really didn’t like how he, among others here…had been treating one of my favourite…and might I add…first friends that I made..”

It was ballsy as well…hell, and Satan opened his mouth to tell the human just exactly that.

Then it hit him.

_Among others._

Well now it was a question of who and moreover what was next.


	3. Round 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With one target down, the next round goes to someone whose possessions are a bit harder to tamper with. Have to go the Scientific route with this one.

The human honestly had to admit that all things considered, Round One could not have gone any better than it had.

Lucifer was pissed, so avoiding him was already a great idea. And the whole reason he was pissed was that he couldn’t find anyone to blame for the prank itself. Mammon was high on the suspicion list but it foremost wasn’t even his style, second he truly was a TERRIBLE actor and third had been thoroughly kept in the dark due to actually being at his photoshoot the whole day long with witnesses and all.

He’d just about died laughing when he’d been brought up to speed...on everything but the human’s involvement of course, as per the only rule of this little war.

Belphagor was prime suspect number two but had slept through it and though he was by comparison an accomplished liar he would have been damn proud to have taken credit for that one. His reaction had absolved him immediately.

It was highly likely that Satan, Levi and Asmo were attempting to stay off the hit list by keeping mum about what they had seen and Beel, well...he was next only to Diavolo’s favourite human under the subject line of ‘couldn’t possibly have been involved’.

Not to mention both he and the human had gone out for lunch well before the prank was discovered by the prankee, another little bit of insurance the human was giving themselves a mental pat on the back for.

Really the only blowback so far had been the fact that the little D’s were just a bit more vicious than usual during battles given that in Beel’s absence, they had been tasked with returning all of the heavy furniture to its rightful place in Lucifer’s chambers.

At least one however had, according to Belphagor - confirmed that the parting gift of tissues, lotion and photograph had not been re-moved from the room...but then again, if Belphie was the one to say it, it might or might not be true.

Damn funny if it was, though.

Speaking of partners in crime, Beel was going to catch a break for the time being. If Belphagor was on the strike list, better to lure the twin into a false sense of security. Besides, Belphagor would be a hard mark. It made sense that Asmo should be next.

The Avatar of Lust presented a different sort of challenge really. Had he been any other person (demon), messing with his clothes or hair products or dumping something hard to get out like ink or glitter into his room would likely wind up with the offending substance or look being the new hottest thing. Four years later and the human was still finding glitter in their damn luggage….and besides, they’d seen Mean Girls.

Bleach in his hair products? No...that would be a mere minor inconvenience. Asmo knew how to fix those kinds of mishaps in a second.

“Hey you got any more of these?” Beel nudged the human from their thoughts, rustling a bag of crisps - Doritos, actually.

“Oh...uh, no actually. Don’t know why I brought them at all to be honest. That orange fake cheese gets on your hands and it’s impossible...to...wash...off. Uh. I think I have different crisps under my-- gotta go.”

“Under where?” Beel called after, but the human ignored him. He’d find them regardless.

Asmo was certainly never going to eat cheese-dust covered crisps, he’d notice in a second what they did to Beel’s nails and fingertips and that would go over like a lead balloon. No, it would have to be more…

Classic.

Well, every person on the planet knew a bucket of water above the door or leaned against it was a minor delay in clothes change at worst or the inconvenience of a wet floor at best.

But something that actively didn’t wash out because of Science…not to mention had the added effect of creating a dust cloud that would be impossible to completely avoid

The human hummed cheerily to themselves as they dumped Asmo’s selection of talcum powder into a bucket rigged above the door.

As an added bonus they now knew that Asmo would not only be tied up for hours trying to get talcum powder out of his hair and clothes without it clumping into wet little powder balls but he would spend a significant portion of time smelling like he’d spent the entire afternoon bathing in patchouli and well...urgh, something-that-did-not-go-with-patchouli-at-all soup.

Not a single soul, demon or otherwise would go near the Avatar of Lust for at least a week.

Whistling, the human wandered off to find Mammon. Maybe he’d be interested in going out that evening. They knew for a fact he should just be finishing up his make-up work that he’d missed for the shoot yesterday in study hall just at that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The baby powder thing I was not directly involved in, but I one day came to breakfast where all the dudes who ate with us had looked like they had aged about 50 years - they'd had a baby powder fight and of course had no time to wash it out of their hair. 
> 
> The glitter idea - not a prank but had some prank-like consequences - a group of us one night got together and had a Lush body bar with glitter in it which we were using to give eachother massages...only for all of us to find it EVERYWHERE. Notably, one of the BioChem students had a story about freaking out thinking a fan on a piece of equipment in the lab had started sparking, only to turn it off and discover a piece of glitter stuck to the blade of the fan that had been catching the light as it whirled around.


	4. Round 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's turn...

“Hey Beel...do I want to eat this?”

“No.” 

“Allow me to ask again. Do I NOT want to eat this because it would land me in the hospital if I do or because you in fact want to eat this.”

Beel sighed. “I suppose it would be okay if you ate it. And if you don’t like it, I will eat it instead.”

“It’s...pretty good. Tastes like chicken.”

“It’s bile from a..” Beel said something inherently inhuman sounding. “It’s one of Belphie’s favourites.”

“You’d think that would put me off but it’s really good.”

Beel just smiled. “Then you have it.”

Belphagor was lucky his brother was nearly the sweetest person in the world as Beel had just absolved his brother as the next victim on the prank list. 

Speaking of, the group of House of Lamentation residents got up in almost unison to clear the dining hall just as Asmo came in.

The look the human got from Asmo was almost as vicious as Satan on his worst day. There wasn’t any way to pretend they weren’t behind it as unless barring some miracle, Asmo had been witness to Lucifer’s prank.

But oh, this was a great development. Levi was usually the last to breakfast, only showing up to put his name on the sign up sheet so Lucifer wouldn’t get on his case. He was apparently less delighted to find himself dining downwind of Asmo...but he did get the dregs Beel left behind on his plate and sat as far from the Avatar of not-so-much-inspiring-Lust as was possible.

“I’ve left a pencil in my room...ah, Satan, could you take some notes? I’ll be about ten minutes.”

And the human sped off.Ten minutes indeed...but Levi had the fastest internet connection in the Devildom…

Levi’s room smelled faintly of ocean salt - which was odd since Henry was a goldfish. The human made their way to his computer - which he hadn’t bothered to password lock when he’d gone to breakfast. 

“Hmm...Mr. Otaku has some hentai here….annnnd probably has some non-anime opening music.”

The human didn’t find it hard to locate some anime with some aptly Gainax bouncy breasts. Into the player it went and...on loop. Of course.

Next step? Music. A good four hours of ‘Demonify’s Christian pop hits should work.

And for the coup d’grace? Setting the movie and sound as the computer password...which was….

The human slammed their fist indiscriminately on the keyboard a few times. Nothing was getting through that.

“Sorry. Thanks Satan for taking my notes.”

“Not a problem. They should be in order. ...ah, but I thought you were getting a pencil from your bedroom?”

“Huh? Oh...found a pen quicker.”

The class went on. 

“Hey Human, Not for nothin’ but can I borrow your notes? I mean Satan took half a’em for ya so they must be good.”

“Oh sure” Mammon was passed the notebook.

“Hey what song were you singing?”

“Singing?”

“Yeah during free study you were humming something. It kinda went…” Mammon hummed a rhythm.

“Oh, just a human song. It was popular when I was young.”

“Huh. Funny. I thought I heard it in the hall by Levi’s room”

“Funny that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this direct from the one day we deleted all one of our friends' music and replaced it with Nickleback and 70ies porn with a clown and then basically keyboard smashed a 'password' onto it so he had no other choice but to take the laptop that was wailing porn and Nickleback to the school IT centre.


	5. Round 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clearly humans in the real world don't magic books. But Satan does...

The funniest part about Levi’s reaction to being pranked was kind of that around all that moaning about how the horrible little normie human had deleted all his precious Anime he wasn't REALLY as mad as he could have been

(“It’s re-downloadable, Levi.” “Yes, but it will take -forever!. And you have hard copies anyway!)

But he can’t entirely hide that he was somewhat pleased to be included. The human had caught him preening a few times over being thought important enough...or whatever was going on in his head..

Envy was SO weird. 

However - this put the human at two people who would probably NOT take things so well. And quite possibly retaliate. This prank thing had officially gotten more dangerous. Who was the harder mark? Beel could not be dragged into it with precious Belphie as the target. No amount of food in the world would bribe him into assistance there. Using him as a distraction for Satan? With what? Beel was a pretty solid B-student...and fairly okay with that. Satan would figure out why his brother suddenly had a mighty need to do better in school out of the blue.

“This is a toughie.” 

Satan liked his books and he liked animals - but what could be done to either of those things that wasn’t actively destructive or cruelty to animals. Not worth entertaining...or...hm.

Books...could go -missing- without being damaged….but Satan’s library was enormous. Moving all those books would take a long time. Beel was just one demon and there’d been a lot less furniture. Strength didn’t matter when it was a matter of how many trips one could make.

Oh but pulling a similar prank on Satan as the one played on Lucifer was a level of nuance the human liked. Nothing got under the Avatar of Wrath’s skin better than being compared to Lucifer. 

Plus there was the added issues of books being ‘magical’ in nature. Such as one that could create a Freaky Friday Flip. Speaking of getting under someone’s skin.

What an interesting idea.

Well, this really was getting a bit dangerous. 

First off, a little trip to the laundry room was needed for some of Lucifer’s...civvies. Which was an oxymoron, but it was important.

And now the hard and dangerous part. Magical body swap book...getting Satan to TOUCH magical body swap book and then hope the magic would work on a human.

If not, well oh boy, it would be super evident as to what the human was trying to do.

Into the school bag went the borrowed clothing, and here went nothing.

Satan could be counted upon to be reading quite a bit, so he was in fact amidst his collection. So far, so good.

“Say.” the human began. Keep calm….

“And what can I do for you?” Satan sounded profoundly guarded. Unsurprising. He was expecting something...and he wouldn’t be wrong.

“I actually came to get a book on witches cursed artifacts. I didn’t really understand the history in class.” And this would be it. Satan wouldn’t have a book out of place. He’d take the human right to the…

“Oh hey, I remember this one.” 

Satan was fast, but not quite fast enough and the human’s world got...huh. So this was what it was like to be tall. 

Who knew how long the effects would last, but there should be enough time to do as much damage as possible.

Starting with a change of clothes...and thank whatever was permissible to thank in the Devildom that Satan did not go commando. 

And now for the human’s best Lucifer impression. Or...Satan doing the best Lucifer impression.

God, Lucifer what a damn annoyance. Oof. did they put that crack in the wall?

Apparently this was how it felt to have rage issues. Hm. 

Let’s see, where to start? Kissing Diavolo’s ass?

“Satan? Are you wearing Lucifer’s clothes?”

The human-in-a-demon’s body froze. Shit. They hadn’t thought about fooling most of the other brothers, just wandering around looking like they’ve suddenly decided to worship Lucifer.

“Um.” 

Mammon blinked. “Why’re ya actin’ so weird?”

That single ‘um’ was damning. Satan did not ‘um’. 

“None of your business, Mammon. I was just passing through on my way to drop off paperwork for Diavolo that simply can’t go missed.”

“Are...did you body swap with Lucifer?”

“Obviously not. I do however feel that behaving more like him by example would be not unideal.” And with that said, the Human swept off, before Mammon could put the last piece together.

“Did I hear you were looking for me?”

Oh man, this had gone too far. “Er. Yes Lord Diavolo, I was.”

“That’s right.”

“I don’t think you REALLY want to do paperwork for me...human.”

OH SO BUSTED. The human froze, mouth dropped open. Now would be a fantastic time to change back...come on...come on.

“I am SO enjoying these human traditions you’ve brought to the Devildom.” Diavolo winked. “Don’t worry, I’ll give Satan the paperwork and keep him busy while you hide. I can’t wait to see what happens next.”

The luckiest human in the world found themselves back in their body by dinner time (After writing 'Lucifer is the Greatest, Love Satan' on all the bathroom surfaces with red lipstick) , and all too wisely left Beel to eat their dinner. They could almost certainly survive a night without food, but not without their limbs. 

Maybe they should quit while they were ahead.


	6. Round 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And we come to the final round...it takes getting up real early in the morning to pull one over on Belphegor. Which is kind of a funny way to put it.

“Does that sandwich contain the secrets to the universe or something?”

The human looked down at their plate and after a moment, took a bite. They weren’t really hungry, but they didn’t really feel like giving Beel their lunch either and they knew what question was forthcoming if they took the bait. “Sorry...just thinking about something.”

“Something you can tell me?” Bless the guy, he really would be properly concerned. 

“No. I can’t tell you.” the human sighed. 

“I see. Because you’re plotting something that involves my twin brother, is that it and you’re wondering if I’m going to try to stop you.”

Well that was it exactly, but the human tried for not confirming. “What gives you that idea?”

“Well...first of all, there’s the fact that you enlisted my help for the first prank, but then stopped when you moved on to my other brothers. Second of all, there’s only three of us left and I don’t think it’s going to be Mammon or myself.”

The human blinked. Beelzebub wasn’t stupid by any means, but it was unusual for him to drop a logic bomb like that.

“Well you at least didn’t do the thing that sparked all this.”

“Oh if you mean the fact that you’re finding your own little ways of defending Mammon and I dislike joining in on the insults?”

Had someone else been playing with the body swap book lately? Because this was getting a little on-the-nose…

Beel’s expression turned cheery. “Well I think it’s sweet. You’re protecting one of my brothers and I can’t argue with that.” 

The human nodded. Completely unspoken was ‘And I have a brother I will be protecting if I need to.’

“I know Beel.” The human said, sure he could parse that as an answer to both the spoken and unspoken. 

Even with Beel’s giant Belphegor-shaped blind spot, he hadn’t said ‘no’, but the Belphegor problem included that Belphegor could and would play dirty and enjoyed bringing people down to his level. He was the youngest and the weakest but that ‘weakness’ was like saying you got the low score in the class on a test and then finding out that the lowest score was 99 of a hundred….and boy did the human have up close and personal experience with just how strong Belphegor could be.

“You can have my lunch after all, Beel.” The human wasn’t entirely sure if it was a peace offering, insurance or amnesty for Belphie but they’d figure it out. 

Chatting with Beel had offered some perspective. One of the first ideas the human had considered for Belphegor was simply locking him in somewhere. Beel probably WOULD literally eat them alive for that.- and well, even when he was at his cruelest, the guy didn’t deserve actual trauma or to develop PTSD.

But...maybe Belphegor would appreciate something a little mean. He could take things as much as he could dish them out. Like - no one needed to know how the terrible B-Horror movie would work if the bloodshed was actually realistic...and no one BUT Belphegor thought it was funny when Mammon fell UP the stairs that one time. 

Get him drunk? Not very prank-like. The human shook their head. Gotta shake the compulsion to be okay with anything questionable. Not right there human. 

What about...not locking up but rather the opposite? Belphagor could fall asleep anywhere...but he would trust that Beel or maybe one of his other brothers would bring him back to bed. Could he be moved somewhere...weird? 

Before curfew?

He’d be locked -out-, not -in-. It was good but how to get it done?

Beel woudn’t help...Mammon was rule-one...and Diavolo getting involved a second time wasn’t terribly likely.

What to do? 

Little D’s? Maybe. 

Alright. Where was everyone?

Beel? Working out - his schedule was easy. Satan was still buried under a mountain of paperwork, Lucifer was probably supervising. Levi? Gaming Session and Mammon? Part-time gig. Okay then.

The three little D’s blinked up at the human when they cornered them after the battle in the late afternoon. The pranks had...well, no one was paying you a visit this week so it wasn’t hard to get them alone.

“See, everyone’s too busy to help me and Belphegor really needs my help. He wanted to sleep outside by the forest, but he fell asleep in the music room.”

The little D’s looked at one another. Did they even speak human language? But sure enough the squeaking and movement in the general direction of the music room seemed to say they bought it. “Oh and bring back his DDD. I’ll leave it in his room to charge. So he’s not disturbed.”

Belphegor falling asleep outside wasn’t too weird...it seemed everyone assumed it was par the course for the Avatar of Sloth...but this one was a long game.

It was two days before the human once more tracked down the little D team.

“I need your help again! Please. You see, Belphegor found a crawl space he wants to nap in. So no one will find and disturb him. But he fell asleep somewhere else again…”

The little D’s chittered. “Well I can’t move him, look at me. Even if I was a big human I probably couldn’t. I need demon strength.”

And that was the right thing to say, apparently as the trio trooped off. “But leave the door open.” the human called as an after thought.

Another few days. This time, ON the kitchen table. And by now he was starting to get suspicious. So end game time it was. 

“Middle of the stadium...before the game, and it’s so hot out, he said he wants to be in his boxer shorts.”

WOW Little D’s were gullible. 

***

Ugh, who was shouting? What had happened now? The human wondered if this was another one of those weirdly vivid dreams they’d started having about vampires and genies instead of demons.

Oh it probably was...what the hell was THAT in front of them?

Something or someone ENORMOUS clad in...was that armor? What was it this time? Knights apparently? 

The figure advanced, sending the human scrambling backwards. Not speaking just moving unstoppably forward…

Wait. 

Wait wait.

The human knew this knight. And it was no knight. 

“Beel?” they managed.

In response, the figure pulled off the helmet of their sports gear revealing a mop of red hair and a wide grin. The human glanced up at the stands, aware now of the source of the noise that had woke them, filled to the brim with the RAD student body and staff.

Belphegor was also there, indeed in his boxers and nothing else, but grinning no less widely.

The human’s mouth fell open as they blinked up at Beel. “Judas!” They were laughing though.

“You knew there would be consequences if you messed with my twin.” 

“Judas was shockingly terrible at pranks.” Belphegor muttered. “But alright. We were jerks to Mammon. We get it." His smirk grew. "But you’ve given us SO many ideas for stuff we can do to him now.” 

And there it was. The prank war was officially just getting started in earnest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone enjoyed this little project and something of a trip down memory lane.


End file.
